I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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