this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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