4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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