Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
