Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
