listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I want a musical about memes.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize