i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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