Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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