Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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