Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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