I wanna bring you to show and tell
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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