I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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