i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Pooping to opera.
Randomize