you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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