I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize