You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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