My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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