I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
