If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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