What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
