why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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