i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she told me i tasted like america
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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