it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
