Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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