all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
