and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
