theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
