My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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