you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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