omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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