i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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