yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
try to milk me bitch
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