We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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