Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm passing your future prison.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
