Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
