im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
