check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Your dad touched me again.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
