Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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