Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
