guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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