The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
