Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
