i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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