apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
