guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
