Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
