At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
