Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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