guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
