I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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