overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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