you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
