Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
