I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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