I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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