She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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