sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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