HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
