M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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