I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
