Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
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