You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They took my balls.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
