Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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