We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
