This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
