If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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