I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
this beer tastes like vomit already
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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